42 and counting

42 school days remaining til I have completed my first year of teaching. WOW! It's moving so fast. My kids are definitely getting ancy...

This past week was a week of set backs though. My student who I wrote about here got in some trouble outside of the classroom and has a punishment of 30 days at the alternative education center. I'm so bummed because we were making such trust progress. When I heard he was in trouble I hurried up to the office to see him before he was sent home and he just hung his head and said, "I'm sorry Mrs Miller. They was chargin' up my sistah, I couldn't let that happen. I'm sorry. I'mo miss you." He has a twin sister whom he's uber protective of - to a fault sometimes. And yet I understand - he and his sister have survived every tough turn together, so of course he's going to go to extremes to defend her, she's all he's got. I told him his protective side was honorable, he just needs to learn when to defend, and when to keep cool. Anyway, he promised he'd keep his grades up over there and come back to see me soon.

The other set back was regarding a precious girl, who is not my student, but she's the "baby mama" of one of my students. Upon discovering she was pregnant, she wanted to keep the baby but her mother gave her two options: kicked out or abortion. She wrestled a ton with the decision and came to me shaking because she was at the end of the time line and had to make a decision. (She'd heard from some of my students that I was praying for her). She didn't want to give up the baby, but she also didn't want to disappoint her mother. At that point she decided to keep it and I gave her the number/directions to Father Heart (a ministry that takes in pregnant teens and loves/nurtures/educates them). She said she was going that weekend, but then I found out Monday she never made it. She went to the abortion clinic instead. The fear of her mother shunning her was too great. I'm sad for HER. I'm sad for the pain and sorrow I'm sure she feels. I'm sad that a mother would force that type of decision on her 15 year old daughter and not simply love her and try to figure it out with her. And I'm sad for my student, who, although he acts tough and repeats over and over "It was her choice, it doesn't bother me", is really hurting inside. He showed me pictures of his brother's newborn baby today and then just stood silently, deep in thought. I asked him how he was doing with a "you know what I'm referring to" look and he quietly said, "I'm aight." I told him if he ever wanted to talk I'd be happy to listen.

Lastly - I sat in a meeting this week with a bunch of out-of-touch, white, educated, middle-class, middle-aged women, who sat around a table to determine the disciplinary fate of a young black male. I listened as they clucked and cackled before he came in and I was so discouraged. The things they had to say were negative and slanderous towards this student and there was no heart or desire to understand that his behavior is a direct result of the terrible life situation he's grown up in. They had already written him off as hopeless and even as they spoke to him once he came in, they were condescending and lofty in tone. It lit a FIRE under me, I was furious. I found my tongue long enough to smile at the young man and encourage him briefly before he left. But the whole situation just has me wondering about the way we do some of the things we do in the education system. No answers or even alternative solutions yet... however, I wish there were more Black Male Teachers though - these young guys need role models in their lives and they're not getting them at home.